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Joke of the Day

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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby Solid Air » Thu Jan 03, 2008 1:16 pm

You have to laugh...........

Anthrax Scare at Newforge

Ulster Rugby’s preparations for the forthcoming Magners League clash with Munster were dramatically halted this morning when some players noticed a strange white substance on the training field.

Acting Coach Steve Williams immediately stopped training while PSNI and Government Officials examined the suspicious white powder.

After a thorough investigation PSNI gave the all clear and training was allowed to continue when it was revealed that the mysterious white powder, not recognised by the playing squad, was a try line.
"Cheer up" he said "It could get worse", so I cheered up, and it got worse...
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby Solid Air » Fri Jan 11, 2008 5:58 pm

New Cadbury ad for Norn Iron

(Whole new meaning to the term LOL!)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4EJEgyl ... re=related

:oman: :lol:
"Cheer up" he said "It could get worse", so I cheered up, and it got worse...
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby mid ulster maestro » Mon Jan 14, 2008 10:27 pm

Where on earth do you find these things Solid. It's class.
Mum 8)
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby Cap'n Grumpy » Mon Jan 14, 2008 10:52 pm

mid ulster maestro wrote:Where on earth do you find these things Solid.

Errrrr ....... on youtube! :roll:

(you big tube!)
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby Solid Air » Mon Jan 14, 2008 11:23 pm

mid ulster maestro wrote:Where on earth do you find these things Solid. It's class.
Mum 8)


As the good Cap'n says MUM, from youtube, friend sent it to me,from a friend and so on, it's from a BBC Scotland programme called Only An Excuse, very funny guys, they also gave us Chewin' the Fat, appealed to my sense of humour...
"Cheer up" he said "It could get worse", so I cheered up, and it got worse...
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby Gemma » Tue Jan 15, 2008 7:56 pm

Since we're progressing into the big wide world of youtube, may I suggest this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j0usIb4nkvs

Yes, it's out of season, but I think it's still pretty darn funny.
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby Gemma » Tue Jan 15, 2008 10:57 pm

And another one which I think's hilarious...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TagEh8ih ... re=related
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby Rooster » Fri Jan 25, 2008 9:44 am

Munsterfans will love this one :lol:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SrZJm4CHnUU
“That made me feel very special and underlined to me that Ulster is more than a team, it is a community and a rugby family"
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby Solid Air » Fri Jan 25, 2008 12:17 pm

:lol: Excellent one Rooster, very funny, not that I would condone the sledging of any player, but I'm sure the Cap'n could provide a suitable banner, or a wee fleg made from a pair of torn shorts.....

Reminded me of another 'deviant' story from that part of the world:

A man from Limerick was arrested and charged on a count of bestiality, he went to his friend for a recommendation on legal representation for his trial, his friend knew two barristers, one a slick and knowledgeable individual who was brilliant at arguing points of law and technicalities with a high degree of success, but very expensive, the other a local barrister, who was renowned for his ability to challenge the jury on selection until he picked the right people, and wasn’t too hard to pay. Being a bit strapped for cash the Limerick man went for the ‘jury’ expert.

On the first day of his trial the prosecution opened in confident mood, “We will prove that the defendant engaged in an act of sexual intercourse with a goat, you will hear robust evidence to support this. Indeed you will even hear from the arresting officers who, when they arrived on the scene, actually witnessed the goat licking the defendant’s genitals”

Prosecution counsel looked at the jury in the defiant way that only prosecution counsel can, but the confidence turned to dismay when he overheard one jury member whisper to the other, “A goat wouldn’t normally do that, Jesus, I’ll tell you, that sounds like one good goat…………………
"Cheer up" he said "It could get worse", so I cheered up, and it got worse...
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby bootlace » Fri Jan 25, 2008 6:13 pm

An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car.
As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says, 'Excuse me ma'am but you were speeding. Can I see your driver's license?'

She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper, and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way.

Up and down the halls she goes again.
Again, the same old man jumps out of a room and says, 'Excuse me ma'am but I saw you cross the centre line back there. Can I see your registration please?'

She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way.

She zooms off again up and down the halls weaving all over.
As she comes to the old man's room again he jumps out. This time, he's stark naked and has an erection!
The old lady in the wheel chair looks up and says, 'Oh no... not the Breathalyzer again!'
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby Gemma » Wed Mar 05, 2008 5:16 pm

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party.

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He
started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel.

He studied Economics and Business administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company.

He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, and then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner
in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets.

He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'

The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son
studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire.

He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?'

One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a
living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'

The three friends said: 'What a shame. What a
disappointment.'

The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either.

His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a
beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby ColinS » Wed Mar 05, 2008 5:55 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: love it!
Some people say I used to be called Colzo. Don't listen to them people, I talk much less sense than Colzo.
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby browner » Wed Mar 05, 2008 6:09 pm

A brilliant young boy was applying for a job with the railways. The interviewer asked him: "Do you know how to use the equipment?" "Yes", the boy replied. "Then what would you do if you realized that 2 trains, one from this station and one from the next were going to crash because they were on the same track?" The young applicant thought and replied "I'd press the button to change the points without hesitation." "What if the button was frozen and wouldn't work?" "I'd run outside and pull the lever to change the points manually" "And if the lever was broken?" "I'd get on the phone to the next station and tell them to change the points," he replied. "And if the phone was broken and needed an electrician to fix it?" The boy thought about that one. "I'd run into town and get my uncle" "Is your uncle an electrician?" "No, but he's never seen a train crash before!"
Stand up for PICU R.V.H.
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby Bruce » Thu Mar 06, 2008 1:04 am

I believe this one got a telegram from The Queen recently but it still makes me laugh after all these years.

Guy visits a brothel for the first time and explains his fetish for the larger woman to the madame.

After rejecting several partners in the 15 - 30 stone range he settles for Aggie at a cool 44stone.

Swiftly striking a deal he gets down to business but stops after a minute.

"Do you mind if i turn the light out Aggie" he breathlessly asks

"you don't strike me as the shy type" she responds

" I'm not" he replies,"It's burning my a*se".
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby dale-man » Thu Mar 06, 2008 7:09 pm

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE MAN WHO FOUND A TRUMPET DOWN A SEWER? HE TOOK IT HOME AND BLEW THE SH*TE OUT OF IT!
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