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Biblical matters

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Re: Biblical matters

Postby CIMANFOREVER » Fri May 13, 2016 4:35 pm

promenader wrote:
CIMANFOREVER wrote:Well the Egyptians were f*cked after the plagues.. were they a metaphor for STI's?

And Mary's shagging was, in His own words, Immaculate, so fair do's Big Man...

A common theological misunderstanding, or misconception. if you don't mind the odd bad pun. Mary's shagging, as you put it, is covered by the doctrine of the Virgin birth. The doctrine of the Immaculate conception has nothing to do with the begetting of jesus, but rather covers the birth of Mary herself. As the future mother of God, you see, it was inconceivable - :cheers: - that she should be born, like other mere mortals, with the mark of original sin staining her soul. (Adam's fault, and hence the need for Christian weans to be baptised). She was, unique in the history of mankind, excused this shame and was therefore conceived immaculately.
As Baggy says, you have been helped.


Unique in that her alleged origin was Biologically impossible in most fauna above the level of fruit flies, let alone primates?

I have been well and truly helped, Promenader :salut: :thumleft: ,.. tbf, I have more knowledge of the Golden Bough than the Bibble, but this wouldn't be a Revelation to them that know or begat me....

So, Mary Magdalene, she was a bit of a girl wasn't she?..... >EW :duck: Say no more!
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Re: Biblical matters

Postby CIMANFOREVER » Fri May 13, 2016 4:43 pm

Rooster wrote::lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Look what is in the papers today

Ironically, given the historic tension between pornography and religion, watching porn may make you more religious.

That’s according to a study published in the Journal of Sex Research, which suggests that those who watch porn more than once a week may ‘stimulate greater religiosity’.

Historically, religiosity was associated with low pornography use as almost all major religious disapprove of it.

Thanks to the upsurge in porn use, more and more research is being conducted into the area.

The research, which was done by a team at the University of Oklahoma, involved following the same 1,314 adults over six years, periodically measuring their porn use and religiosity.


After controlling for outside factors like age and gender, use of pornography was associated with low religiousness until the rate of consumption became more frequent than once a week.

‘Findings suggest that viewing pornography may lead to declines in some dimensions of religiosity but at more extreme levels may actually stimulate, or at least be conducive to, greater religiosity along other dimensions,’ said study author Samuel Perry.

In other words, if you watch porn more than once a week you’re likely to become more religious.

Perry suggests this might be because in some people exposure to pornography brings about guilty feelings, especially if they were religious to begin with, and this may drive them to turn to religion to try and overcome the behaviour or repent in some way.


I get the link- the happy endings on some of the porn I've watched has bordered on the religious.. although nowadays anything similar would constitute a miracle...

Really, we're all just afraid of the dark....
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Re: Biblical matters

Postby BaggyTrousers » Fri May 13, 2016 4:55 pm

Jockster wrote:Could you not just get her "stoned" in the Bob Dylan sense :cowboy:

My issue with the virgin birth was more to do with her husband Joseph not consummating his marriage. Could never work that one out.


Jockster, though in the past, neither of us would qualify as a "stoner" but have dabbled. I am being encouraged to dabble again for pain relief.

Joseph has always concerned me. In times when weemen were without a shadow of doubt considered as mere chattels, it is a massive stretch of credulity that Jofess would not have ridden Mary from Bethlehem to Jerusalem & back again via Portglenone. Being as gay as the next man, I am well aware that the possibility is that Jofess was "using" Mary to cover his status as a lifter of gentleman's attire and it is also possible Mary was an accommodating Fag Hag.

Either way, they can hardly be held up as an example to young Christians, Muslims, etc etc , for clearly, either Mary did a turn or they were living an horrendous lie. For a relatively central figure in the whole shebang, has any author ever penned a more peripheral figure in such a long yarn as the "father" of the main character? I'm no biblical scholar but I tell you this, if there is ever a sequel written, expect Jofess to come to a sticky end and be written out, early doors.

I'm not surprised you "Could never work that one out" Jockster for it really beggars belief and is simply not credible, no matter what angle you come at it from.
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Re: Biblical matters

Postby CIMANFOREVER » Fri May 13, 2016 5:02 pm

Anyway, that Mohammed eh?.... :shock: >skull
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Re: Biblical matters

Postby big mervyn » Fri May 13, 2016 5:14 pm

DavidWolfe wrote:Let's make this simple.

If she tickles that bit behind your ballix and before yer ersehole at the right time, she's learnt that from someone else.

Not sure what the anatomical term is for that male bit but the female equivalent is called the biffon i.e. the bit yer balls biff on.
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Re: Biblical matters

Postby BaggyTrousers » Fri May 13, 2016 5:34 pm

CIMANFOREVER wrote:Anyway, that Mohammed eh?.... :shock: >skull


CIMAN, listen ould haun', I hate to do this but unfortunately last night in a quiet moment I was browsing the Holy Koran and guess what? If that second smilie is intended to be representation of the prophet Mohamed blessed be his name I am apparently duty bound to issue a fatwa fernenst you and have you killed.

This is a tricky one, I mean I've nothing against you personally but apparently in religious circles, these things are taken seriously and rules is rules >rtfm .

Maybe you might issue a broad apology to the prophet,blessed be his name and plead that you did not intend it to represent him.

I'm having a difficult week, what with this and arranging for the missus to be stoned. :duh: :duh: :duh:
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Re: Biblical matters

Postby rorybestsbigbaldnoggin » Fri May 13, 2016 5:39 pm

big mervyn wrote:
DavidWolfe wrote:Let's make this simple.

If she tickles that bit behind your ballix and before yer ersehole at the right time, she's learnt that from someone else.

Not sure what the anatomical term is for that male bit but the female equivalent is called the biffon i.e. the bit yer balls biff on.


Official term: Perineum.

Slang term: Gooch.

My preferred term: Undercarriage.
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Re: Biblical matters

Postby BaggyTrousers » Fri May 13, 2016 5:45 pm

big mervyn wrote:
DavidWolfe wrote:Let's make this simple.

If she tickles that bit behind your ballix and before yer ersehole at the right time, she's learnt that from someone else.

Not sure what the anatomical term is for that male bit but the female equivalent is called the biffon i.e. the bit yer balls biff on.



:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Is that an industry term Merv. >EW
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Re: Biblical matters

Postby jackthelad » Fri May 13, 2016 7:09 pm

BaggyTrousers wrote:
rumncoke wrote:Baggy as a matter of Interest what is an old Hedonist like you reading the bible ? I thought you had found salvation in a bottle !!

Anyway my question/statement did you still love your wife? then do nothing, is based on the experiences of life that only those who want a divorce look for grounds for divorce in the actions of their partners . They do so for two reasons firstly to justify their own wish for a divorce and secondly to transfer the guilt of the failed marriage onto the other party.

I have known several women whose husbands walked out on their wives to live with the other woman it wasn't that the husband walked out that hurt them most but the fact that in the letter of departure they blamed their wives for the failure of the marriage .


OK Rum'n, here are your answers in order, though the information is already there:

- To know what the enemy are thinking.

- Yes I still love my wife, I have done since early July 1978 when I first clapped eyes upon her and had secured a contract with her by November of that year and then began saving seriously to buy & house and marry in February 1980. £18500 for a 3 bed chalet bungalow in Dunkeld Avenue in the Maiden City. I loved that house. :thumleft: That said, the issue is that I fear I may fall down in relation to "God's Law" >rtfm I have yet to be properly advised if I need to wheek her off to Israel for a stoning. She will smell a rat as I have often said I would never set foot in Israel - nor the rest of the Middle East forebye, (just for balance) and I may as well add that I have little interest in the Far East, could live without visiting the horrendously rude NZers & drunken racists in Oz, but I still enjoy the USA & have a wee hankering to visit South America.

By the way Rum'n, you have the wrong end of the stick, I used to be an inter-pro quality drinker :stout: but those days are past barring the occasional splurge. These days I am a man who drinks well within the approved levels (possibly before the most recent nonsense) for no other reason than, in general, I really just can't be bothered.

As for the rest of it Rum'n, it is of little interest as I will never require advice on divorce. We are and shall remain inseparable.......... and though I don't want to bore you with it :lol: , looking forward to our next large adventure, pissing off to Spain to live in just over a year.



Are you going for the Golden Cleric Award this year Father Baggy?
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Re: Biblical matters

Postby Deraless » Fri May 13, 2016 8:51 pm

rorybestsbigbaldnoggin wrote:
big mervyn wrote:
DavidWolfe wrote:Let's make this simple.

If she tickles that bit behind your ballix and before yer ersehole at the right time, she's learnt that from someone else.

Not sure what the anatomical term is for that male bit but the female equivalent is called the biffon i.e. the bit yer balls biff on.


Official term: Perineum.

Slang term: Gooch.

My preferred term: Undercarriage.

I like the term Barse...

The last porn I watched was deeply religious. Thon wee girl was never stopped calling out for her lord.
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Re: Biblical matters

Postby Rooster » Fri May 13, 2016 9:15 pm

Gary wrote:Rooster, thon porn and religious thing is total bullsh1te. Sure, you know I'm an atheist.

Must not be watching nearly enough porn then :shock:
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Re: Biblical matters

Postby Gary » Fri May 13, 2016 9:36 pm

Rooster, I doubt that is the case. Why else would I have 27 different passwords protecting my laptop?
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Re: Biblical matters

Postby CIMANFOREVER » Fri May 13, 2016 9:38 pm

BaggyTrousers wrote:
CIMANFOREVER wrote:Anyway, that Mohammed eh?.... :shock: >skull


CIMAN, listen ould haun', I hate to do this but unfortunately last night in a quiet moment I was browsing the Holy Koran and guess what? If that second smilie is intended to be representation of the prophet Mohamed blessed be his name I am apparently duty bound to issue a fatwa fernenst you and have you killed.

This is a tricky one, I mean I've nothing against you personally but apparently in religious circles, these things are taken seriously and rules is rules >rtfm .

Maybe you might issue a broad apology to the prophet,blessed be his name and plead that you did not intend it to represent him.

I'm having a difficult week, what with this and arranging for the missus to be stoned. :duh: :duh: :duh:


Fs Baggy, surely followers of Allah and his holy book can take a wee jokey cartoon what with him being omnipotent an all that?..... Oh wait...... :shock: :paperbag:
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Re: Biblical matters

Postby Bart S » Fri May 13, 2016 9:40 pm

mikerob wrote:
caledoniancelt wrote:
BaggyTrousers wrote:Jack, 2 fine pieces of splendid bit of wisdom, but FFS man ..............the question is to stone or not to stone?

The mentalists appear to be adherents of Bob Dylan.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0Zxd5jp-lI


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for many more years DV.

If you fancy a proxy punishment burn wee Mads and/or Big Rob K. :stir:


No mention in the bible of using Leinster players as animal sacrifices and burnt offerings, it is strictly, cattle, sheep, goats, turtledoves and pigeons.

However maybe the URSC summer barbeque could have an altar (it needs to be 5 cubits by 5 cubits and made from acacia wood) and symbolically serve Kearney burgers and Madigan wings.



Madigan wings? So he's more than just a 9,10, 12 and 15 then? Not that uncle Joe needs any more versatility to pick him....
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Re: Biblical matters

Postby Russ » Mon May 16, 2016 2:37 pm

This one Baggy?
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