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ASK THE EXPERT

Postby BaggyTrousers » Wed Mar 28, 2012 3:53 pm

No matter how stupid it makes you feel or how trivial you believe it to be, just ask the expert and I will get you a full and frank reply.

Easier than Google
More reliable than Wikipedia

Have a go if you think yer up for some education. Whether the wonders of the golf swing, rugby, the wonders of the universe, whatever you like. If you seek the opinion of one more qualified to give it than you you've found the right place.

Who knows, others may even have enough wit to provide answers.

Like the Fosters ads only more righteous.
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FIRFU - FU'CK YOU ONE AND ALL, CAVING IN TO SPONSORS, SACKING THE INNOCENT FOR A FEW DOLLARS MORE, SHAMEFUL BASTA'RDS. YOU'VE LOST MY SUPPORT & I HOPE MORE ULSTERMEN & WOMEN
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Re: ASK THE EXPERT

Postby WhiteKnightoftheWeld » Wed Mar 28, 2012 4:02 pm

I have a stick that is about 8 inches long (no innuendo). I was told that I had to make it shorter.
I can't break it, I can't cut it, peel it, or bite it. I can't even touch it.

Can you help please Baggy?
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Re: ASK THE EXPERT

Postby Jockster » Wed Mar 28, 2012 4:31 pm

LastKnightoftheproms wrote:Nose and ear hair. To trim or not to trim? :shock:


Nose hair = definite trim-not pleasant to have a rogue snatter doing a Bungey without you knowing.

Ear hair = personal preference-potentially handy insulation for the cold winter months.
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Re: ASK THE EXPERT

Postby WhiteKnightoftheWeld » Wed Mar 28, 2012 4:35 pm

And it takes on a life of its own. User generated content, and all one has to do is sit back and let the thread function itself.
Surprising that, seeing as the very first query remains unanswered...
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Re: ASK THE EXPERT

Postby HwoodMike2umate » Wed Mar 28, 2012 4:53 pm

Where is the nearest place to park for free (without risking clamping/parking ticket) that enables you to have a wee look at the New Titanic building and also the Pumphouse/Drydock bit?
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Re: ASK THE EXPERT

Postby WhiteKnightoftheWeld » Wed Mar 28, 2012 5:06 pm

Is Titanic 3D going to be worth it (3 and a half hours) for the Kate Winslet nude scene?
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Re: ASK THE EXPERT

Postby big mervyn » Wed Mar 28, 2012 5:09 pm

WhiteKnightoftheWeld wrote:Is Titanic 3D going to be worth it (3 and a half hours) for the Kate Winslet nude scene?

I don't think Kate is even DD these days.

btw Mr Expert, and how did they get it from 2D into 3D without filluming the whole thing again?
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Re: ASK THE EXPERT

Postby BaggyTrousers » Wed Mar 28, 2012 5:10 pm

WhiteKnightoftheWeld wrote:I have a stick that is about 8 inches long (no innuendo). I was told that I had to make it shorter.
I can't break it, I can't cut it, peel it, or bite it. I can't even touch it.

Can you help please Baggy?



Sorry for the delay, out and about and have just parked to enable me to answer the first tranch of queries.

I'm afraid Welder that I must seek a little info to provide a simple course of action.

Can't touch it? Are you forbidden or have you an allergy?
Is your stick wooden or perhaps a confection?
Peeling, biting or breaking would not be recommended in any case.
Cutting or touching, why oh why not, it appears someone is deliberately trying to make your task more difficult than it needs to be. Suggest you consider the many options of positioning it with an implement which will ensure that you done touch it, equally a boy scout will be all too willing to assist.

Come back to me with clarifications and we'll have it sort before you can say Hartley is a barsteward.
Support the team and coaching staff. Forget the rest,BUT NEVER MOVE ON.

FIRFU - FU'CK YOU ONE AND ALL, CAVING IN TO SPONSORS, SACKING THE INNOCENT FOR A FEW DOLLARS MORE, SHAMEFUL BASTA'RDS. YOU'VE LOST MY SUPPORT & I HOPE MORE ULSTERMEN & WOMEN
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Re: ASK THE EXPERT

Postby BaggyTrousers » Wed Mar 28, 2012 5:50 pm

LastKnightoftheproms wrote:Nose and ear hair. To trim or not to trim? :shock:


This one is simple but at the same time tricky to be absolutely definitive. It depends on your attitude to body hair, I for example like a woman who takes pride in a good bush, eschewing the childlike look provided by a razor, a mature view I believe.

On the other hand if you consider your nose & ear hair doesn't go with an otherwise suave self-presentation, then these blighters cannot be allowed to remain. That said trimming is entirely the wrong approach, it merely stimulates the wee buggers to grow ever coarser and with gusto. In particular neb hair provides a challenge, scissors or an electric trimmer both have their drawbacks but fear not the real answer is to pluck.

If you are somewhat metrosexual you may well already own tweezers, how ever, if like me you are a real man you must wait until an opportune moment and "borrow", by which I mean short term theft, the tweezers owned by your significant other, take 10mls of LastNight's patented "Tighten Up" syrup and begin to pluck.

Plucking not only removes the straggly offending hair but will pull the blighters out root and branch thereby lengthening the period until the next "treatment" is required. I have to say I'm fond of a good pluck.

Ear hair on teh other hand is not quite such a tricky matter and these hallions should succumb to you electric trimmer, scissors should not be used lest you snip a lobe.

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Last edited by BaggyTrousers on Wed Mar 28, 2012 10:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Support the team and coaching staff. Forget the rest,BUT NEVER MOVE ON.

FIRFU - FU'CK YOU ONE AND ALL, CAVING IN TO SPONSORS, SACKING THE INNOCENT FOR A FEW DOLLARS MORE, SHAMEFUL BASTA'RDS. YOU'VE LOST MY SUPPORT & I HOPE MORE ULSTERMEN & WOMEN
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Re: ASK THE EXPERT

Postby BaggyTrousers » Wed Mar 28, 2012 5:53 pm

HwoodMike2umate wrote:Where is the nearest place to park for free (without risking clamping/parking ticket) that enables you to have a wee look at the New Titanic building and also the Pumphouse/Drydock bit?


For that class of nonsense you might consider contacting another type of expert at money saving expert. My services are not for the penny-pinching scrounger. Pay your parking fee and smile whilst you are at it. I believe they are ensuring that a modestly priced pint and burger are to be had at a highly competitive £10.
Support the team and coaching staff. Forget the rest,BUT NEVER MOVE ON.

FIRFU - FU'CK YOU ONE AND ALL, CAVING IN TO SPONSORS, SACKING THE INNOCENT FOR A FEW DOLLARS MORE, SHAMEFUL BASTA'RDS. YOU'VE LOST MY SUPPORT & I HOPE MORE ULSTERMEN & WOMEN
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Re: ASK THE EXPERT

Postby cables » Wed Mar 28, 2012 5:57 pm

BaggyTrousers wrote:No matter how stupid it makes you feel or how trivial you believe it to be, just ask the expert and I will get you a full and frank reply.


Delighted to see you providing your knowledge base for the benefit of users here Baggy.

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Re: ASK THE EXPERT

Postby BaggyTrousers » Wed Mar 28, 2012 6:05 pm

WhiteKnightoftheWeld wrote:Is Titanic 3D going to be worth it (3 and a half hours) for the Kate Winslet nude scene?



NO, NO, NO. A considerable waste of your funds, it wasn't worth it in normal resolution and for a gleek at Kate's muff a reckless waste of 3 & a bit hours of your life. Think of how stupid you will look in the glasses & if you are a specky barsteward in normal life you will look a holy fright.
's not even taking thon song which puts me off watching the otherwise spectacular fountain show at the Bellagio in Vegas.

To save someone the bother of asking is it acceptable to spend more than 2 or 3 nights in Las Vegas, the answer is a resounding no. Two nights is the optimum before losing touch with reality.
Support the team and coaching staff. Forget the rest,BUT NEVER MOVE ON.

FIRFU - FU'CK YOU ONE AND ALL, CAVING IN TO SPONSORS, SACKING THE INNOCENT FOR A FEW DOLLARS MORE, SHAMEFUL BASTA'RDS. YOU'VE LOST MY SUPPORT & I HOPE MORE ULSTERMEN & WOMEN
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Re: ASK THE EXPERT

Postby BaggyTrousers » Wed Mar 28, 2012 6:17 pm

big mervyn wrote:
WhiteKnightoftheWeld wrote:Is Titanic 3D going to be worth it (3 and a half hours) for the Kate Winslet nude scene?

I don't think Kate is even DD these days.

btw Mr Expert, and how did they get it from 2D into 3D without filluming the whole thing again?


Well Merv, swiftly glossing over the state of Ms Winslet's baps, the 2D to 3D is a complicated and highly expensive process & the cost is likely to run into €2 million dollars & upwards for a standard length movie & Jaysus alone knows what for Titanic.

The industry term for the process is "computerised jiggerypokery" and involves layers of film and the use of such technical issues as depth maps when blending the multiple images.

I could go on but nobody would understand the mumbojumbo . :wink:
Support the team and coaching staff. Forget the rest,BUT NEVER MOVE ON.

FIRFU - FU'CK YOU ONE AND ALL, CAVING IN TO SPONSORS, SACKING THE INNOCENT FOR A FEW DOLLARS MORE, SHAMEFUL BASTA'RDS. YOU'VE LOST MY SUPPORT & I HOPE MORE ULSTERMEN & WOMEN
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Re: ASK THE EXPERT

Postby Shan » Wed Mar 28, 2012 6:45 pm

WhiteKnightoftheWeld wrote:I have a stick that is about 8 inches long (no innuendo). I was told that I had to make it shorter.
I can't break it, I can't cut it, peel it, or bite it. I can't even touch it.

Can you help please Baggy?


Pour petrol on one end of it and then throw a lighted match on and let it burn away until it is the correct length and then pour water on.
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Re: ASK THE EXPERT

Postby Snipe Watson » Wed Mar 28, 2012 7:19 pm

Bagster, I find myself somewhat perplexed by this conundrum. Hope you can help.
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