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Gary Speed

Postby Shan » Sun Nov 27, 2011 4:10 pm

Former Leeds United player and current Wales manager Gary Speed has been found dead at his home.

Absolutely awful. You just never know what is going on in somebody's head or their life. A young man still at only 42 and leaves behind his wife and 2 children.

My goodness there seems to be a higher number of young people these days ending their lives. You'd love to know what is wrong but of course different people have different problems, most of which other people don't even know about.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-15909277
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Re: Gary Speed

Postby fuzzylogic » Sun Nov 27, 2011 4:55 pm

Very strange, he was on football focus yesterday morning seeming happy as larry.
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Re: Gary Speed

Postby gannonman » Sun Nov 27, 2011 4:56 pm

fuzzylogic wrote:Very strange, he was on football focus yesterday morning seeming happy as larry.


Was thinking the same myself but you never know what's going through peoples minds.
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Re: Gary Speed

Postby Rooster » Sun Nov 27, 2011 5:05 pm

The mind is a very dangerous thing, those who speak out and go a bit crazy at times are safe in that respect but when someone bottles it up then they are more of a danger to themselves than anyone else.
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Re: Gary Speed

Postby pythagoras » Sun Nov 27, 2011 6:03 pm

RIP. Terribly sad for his wife and kids.
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Re: Gary Speed

Postby Cap'n Grumpy » Sun Nov 27, 2011 7:13 pm

There are very few people in the public eye who don't have at least some detractors.

Gary Speed seems to have been one of those few. It is very sad when one such as that dies so young, especially in the way that he did. I never supported any of the teams he was associated with, but he just came across as such a nice guy who seemed to have everything. Appearances can be deceptive. As one who never had those close feelings for him or his teams, I'm surprised just how shocked and saddened I am by this news. My heart goes out to those who knew him and loved him best.
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Re: Gary Speed

Postby Shan » Sun Nov 27, 2011 8:34 pm

Rooster wrote:The mind is a very dangerous thing, those who speak out and go a bit crazy at times are safe in that respect but when someone bottles it up then they are more of a danger to themselves than anyone else.


I hear what you are saying but it isn't quite true IMO. Sure there are lots of people who bottle up feelings/emotions and eventually crack but also those who are seemingly more more open are not safe from also cracking. People have different ways of dealing with/ hiding their true selves and true pains. The guy sitting in the corner alone could be much better at dealing with his sufferings than the guy at the centre of attention deperately trying to hide himself, and from himself, by making himself something he isn't.

Equally the person you think is the happiest guy you know could be the one in the greatest despair but tries to cope by putting on a mask, sometimes to fend off intense loneliness, overwhelming feelings of self-loathing, depression, desperate need for attention/affection or a multitude of other reasons.

Edit....Actually thinking this over again what I am talking about isn't really the same as what you were talking about in terms of people bottling things up. However it is interesting to ponder the different approaches people do take in an effort to stop the demons.
Last edited by Shan on Mon Nov 28, 2011 1:48 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Gary Speed

Postby Bart S » Sun Nov 27, 2011 11:08 pm

VERY TRAGIC.
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Re: Gary Speed

Postby gannonman » Sun Nov 27, 2011 11:28 pm

His poor children have to live the rest of their life knowing they weren't enough to keep their dad alive. That crushes me.
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Re: Gary Speed

Postby browner » Mon Nov 28, 2011 10:43 am

Always had the appearance of strength and youthfulness, yet now seemingly so fragile.
Warm memories of a very fine footballer.
So sad.
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Gary Speed

Postby WhiteKnightoftheWeld » Mon Nov 28, 2011 7:24 pm

Very sad for those who knew him, esp family and friends. Very shocking - came off the golf course to hear firstly that he had died, then a while later the circumstances.

A very selfish act - wife to find him and live through the aftermath. 2 kids without a father.

Avoidable? I have no knowledge of depression or mental illness so can't comment.

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Re: Gary Speed

Postby pythagoras » Mon Nov 28, 2011 8:08 pm

From what I've read selfishness doesn't come into it. It's more a feeling of worthlessness that people would be better off with you gone
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Re: Gary Speed

Postby BaggyTrousers » Mon Nov 28, 2011 8:35 pm

Shan wrote: Equally the person you think is the happiest guy you know could be the one in the greatest despair but tries to cope by putting on a mask, sometimes to fend off intense loneliness, overwhelming feelings of self-loathing, depression, desperate need for attention/affection or a multitude of other reasons.


Actually Shan you have no idea just how spot on you are. I am no stranger to depression nor sadly to suicidal thoughts and feelings that my family might be better off without me. Just never had the bottle or perhaps the ultimate certainty that those feelings were valid. Also although I looked a plenty of big trucks and thought, one twist of the wheel is all thats needed, I retained enough wit not to inflict my problems on an innocent.

Its not my favourite topic but I've always felt that if I talk about someone gets an understanding of it then its worth exposing myself albeit there won't be too many reading this that actually know me. There is no physical pain that comes close to mental pain, it is never-ending and completely takes over, demolishing every logical thought process you have that things are not as your brain is "seeing" things. Self-esteem becomes non-existent & eventually if left to fester your ability to see the wood for the trees vanishes. That I suspect is what happened to Gary Speed for it is difficult to seek help.

WhiteKnightoftheWeld wrote: A very selfish act - wife to find him and live through the aftermath. 2 kids without a father.

Avoidable? I have no knowledge of depression or mental illness so can't comment.

Mixture of emotions.


Yes Welder to the logical mind it certainly is a selfish act, but I hope in some way what I have written above may help you understand that the chances are that he thought he was doing them a favour, assuming that depression was the reason. Good to see you back by the way. You may have noticed I had just started a Free the Welder campaign on a few threads - some chance :wink:

As for me, I'm pretty sure that most people who know me pretty well were at the very least surprised to know what was going on with me. Wouldn't have appeared the type - mouthy git who enjoyed a laugh.

Finally if anyone reads this and recognises some of these traits and more importantly, recognises them in themselves - get help just as soon as you can.
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Re: Gary Speed

Postby Shan » Mon Nov 28, 2011 8:45 pm

WhiteKnightoftheWeld wrote:Very sad for those who knew him, esp family and friends. Very shocking - came off the golf course to hear firstly that he had died, then a while later the circumstances.

A very selfish act - wife to find him and live through the aftermath. 2 kids without a father.

Avoidable? I have no knowledge of depression or mental illness so can't comment.

Mixture of emotions.


As you said you have no knowledge yet you managed to make a judgement. It might serve you better to only comment on things you do know about.

There is nothing selfish about taking one's own life. It is an incredibly difficult thing to do. Even the most depressed people suffering unbelievable pain and misery generally don't get to the point where ending their lives is attempted.

I have known people who have been at levels of desperation which are almost inconceivable but they are still not beyond the threshold of human suffering. To be over the edge is to exist in a world akin to being tortured ever minute of every day.
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Re: Gary Speed

Postby Shan » Mon Nov 28, 2011 8:56 pm

BaggyTrousers wrote:
Actually Shan you have no idea just how spot on you are.


Except that I have every idea of how spot on I am. You couldn't write what I wrote without knowledge.

BaggyTrousers wrote:
I am no stranger to depression nor sadly to suicidal thoughts and feelings that my family might be better off without me. Just never had the bottle or perhaps the ultimate certainty that those feelings were valid. Also although I looked a plenty of big trucks and thought, one twist of the wheel is all thats needed, I retained enough wit not to inflict my problems on an innocent.

Its not my favourite topic but I've always felt that if I talk about someone gets an understanding of it then its worth exposing myself albeit there won't be too many reading this that actually know me. There is no physical pain that comes close to mental pain, it is never-ending and completely takes over, demolishing every logical thought process you have that things are not as your brain is "seeing" things. Self-esteem becomes non-existent & eventually if left to fester your ability to see the wood for the trees vanishes. That I suspect is what happened to Gary Speed for it is difficult to seek help.


Absolutely. Mental and phsychological torment is beyond most physical pain, except physical pain which is intense and constant. Sometimes there is no apparent way to deal with it because sometimes it is your own being which is the cause of the suffering. If you have a tumour it can be operated on to remove it. If your entire existence is the cause of the suffering sometimes the only cure is to operate to end that.
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