Biblical matters

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BaggyTrousers
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Re: Biblical matters

Post by BaggyTrousers »

I offer you all some replies by childer to an RE examination:

1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOValeriT TIRED OF
CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN
OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE
DURING THE NIGHT.

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD
TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL
LIKE DELILAH.

6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.

7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD,
WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.

8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES
WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.

9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.

10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.

11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE
HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.

12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO
STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE
FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.

15 WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.

16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND
JESUS IN THE MANAGER.

17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.

18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS
BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY
SWEAT ALONE.

20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET
THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.

22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.

24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY,
WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.

Amongst these are some sage pieces of wisdom.
NEVER MOVE ON. Years on, I cannot ever watch Ireland with anything but indifference, I continue to wish for the imminent death of Donal Spring, the FIRFUC's executioner of Wee Paddy & Wee Stu, and I hate the FIRFUCs with undiminished passion.
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Re: Biblical matters

Post by WeeWorld »

Sinead O’Connor has announced that she has converted to Islam and changed her name to Shuhada Davitt.

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BaggyTrousers
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Re: Biblical matters

Post by BaggyTrousers »

Poor Sinead is a classic example of how child abuse fu'cks up lives. She doesn't know if she's blown up or stuffed, always seeking something different. Sinead is more to be pitied than mocked.
NEVER MOVE ON. Years on, I cannot ever watch Ireland with anything but indifference, I continue to wish for the imminent death of Donal Spring, the FIRFUC's executioner of Wee Paddy & Wee Stu, and I hate the FIRFUCs with undiminished passion.
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Re: Biblical matters

Post by big mervyn »

All the Currie Cup glory goes to "our mighty God".

Nice of him to take time out of his busy schedule to swing that one. >appl
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Re: Biblical matters

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Re: Biblical matters

Post by WeeWorld »

BaggyTrousers wrote:Poor Sinead is a classic example of how child abuse fu'cks up lives.
Mmmm, maybe, maybe not.
I don't know about Sinead O'Connor but I do know that psychiatrists used to regularly blame mothers if their children developed schizophrenia.
That's been long since discredited, which is no use to the many mothers who had guilt heaped on top of the unbearable suffering they endured.
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BaggyTrousers
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Re: Biblical matters

Post by BaggyTrousers »

WeeWorld wrote:
BaggyTrousers wrote:Poor Sinead is a classic example of how child abuse fu'cks up lives.
Mmmm, maybe, maybe not.
I don't know about Sinead O'Connor but I do know that psychiatrists used to regularly blame mothers if their children developed schizophrenia.
That's been long since discredited, which is no use to the many mothers who had guilt heaped on top of the unbearable suffering they endured.
That reads like your attempted defence of paedophiles, you sick kiddiefiddling bästàrd.

More factually, you clearly have not a fùcking Lulu about the subject.
NEVER MOVE ON. Years on, I cannot ever watch Ireland with anything but indifference, I continue to wish for the imminent death of Donal Spring, the FIRFUC's executioner of Wee Paddy & Wee Stu, and I hate the FIRFUCs with undiminished passion.
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Re: Biblical matters

Post by WeeWorld »

You're alright in small doses but you know sfa about anything other than blathering.
Also stop trying to imply that i've defended paedophilia here or anywhere else you hypocrite.
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BaggyTrousers
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Re: Biblical matters

Post by BaggyTrousers »

WeeWorld wrote:You're alright in small doses but you know sfa about anything other than blathering.
Also stop trying to imply that i've defended paedophilia here or anywhere else you hypocrite.
Oh dear, touched a nerve there, eh? :D

So you know it's wrong but can't help yourself? Scumbag, are you a priest?

Here is a thought for you. If you rip a hole in a net, there are fewer holes than before you added one. Smallmind. :roll:
NEVER MOVE ON. Years on, I cannot ever watch Ireland with anything but indifference, I continue to wish for the imminent death of Donal Spring, the FIRFUC's executioner of Wee Paddy & Wee Stu, and I hate the FIRFUCs with undiminished passion.
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Re: Biblical matters

Post by Cap'n Grumpy »

BaggyTrousers wrote:
WeeWorld wrote:
BaggyTrousers wrote:Poor Sinead is a classic example of how child abuse fu'cks up lives.
Mmmm, maybe, maybe not.
I don't know about Sinead O'Connor but I do know that psychiatrists used to regularly blame mothers if their children developed schizophrenia.
That's been long since discredited, which is no use to the many mothers who had guilt heaped on top of the unbearable suffering they endured.
That reads like your attempted defence of paedophiles, you sick kiddiefiddling bästàrd.
It doesn't read like that at all Baggy.

Not to me anyway.
I'm not arguing -
I'm just explaining why I'm right
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Re: Biblical matters

Post by WeeWorld »

Yes, no one likes being called a paedophile even by someone as insignificant as you.
You've pontificated on here about practically every topic under the sun,
condemning people liberally for being racists, bigots, homophobes, misogynists, crooks, paedophiles, tax cheats, etc.
The irony is that your own gobby, big-mouthed, admissions have exposed yourself as virtually all of the above.
In recent times you made a long-running saga of emigrating to Spain to escape this dump, or words to that effect, and about how you were going to be Spanish from now on, live in a proper country, blah blah.
Once you got there, you did your little bit of doxxing, bragging at the same time about being out of reach of the authorities here.
Only now, like a cockroach, you scuttle back, to hide out for a few months from the Spanish taxman.
Parasite.
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Dave
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Re: Biblical matters

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Off topic
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BR
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Re: Biblical matters

Post by BR »

Cap'n Grumpy wrote:
BaggyTrousers wrote:
WeeWorld wrote:
BaggyTrousers wrote:Poor Sinead is a classic example of how child abuse fu'cks up lives.
Mmmm, maybe, maybe not.
I don't know about Sinead O'Connor but I do know that psychiatrists used to regularly blame mothers if their children developed schizophrenia.
That's been long since discredited, which is no use to the many mothers who had guilt heaped on top of the unbearable suffering they endured.
That reads like your attempted defence of paedophiles, you sick kiddiefiddling bästàrd.
It doesn't read like that at all Baggy.

Not to me anyway.
Not if you or I had written it Cap'n.

But you are forgetting to concern yourself more with the author of the words rather than the words themselves.

As there hasn't been a fact on this forum since 1759, it matters little what people say, it's simply a matter of whether you are acceptable to the reader or not.
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Re: Biblical matters

Post by big mervyn »

BR wrote:
As there hasn't been a fact on this forum since 1759, .
Yes. I remember that. Something about a new dark beer brewed made with roasted barley by some upstart in Dublin. :stout:
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Re: Biblical matters

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Man born in 1790 has two grandsons still alive today.

http://mentalfloss.com/article/29842/pr ... till-alive
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