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Ulster Rugby announce the death of Rugby in ULster

Talk about the men in white, and everything Ulster!!

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Ulster Rugby announce the death of Rugby in ULster

Postby BaggyTrousers » Thu May 17, 2018 11:36 am

Just days before a humbling defeat to Ospreys to consign them to the Parker Pen, Ulster Rugby took the bizarre decision to issue a press release admitting that rugby as a competitive sport is dead in Northern Ireland.

The statement said:

Look, we are as sad about this as anyone, we hired a top trained killer to work beside our fully qualified solicitor and former rugby legend, in an effort to bring back the glory days of the 1980s, more than that we wanted this sensational duo to "Make Ulster Great Again".

Ulster Rugby are sorry to say that the programme for recovery has failed, Dr Humphries saw the writing on the wall and jumped ship to a similarly underachieving club. Without his rugby nous, we have been between a rock and a place so hard it would make Stevie Ferris blanch.

We are run by a serial liar who on the plus side has won a war for Betty, overseen the rise of Coca Cola as the preeminent fizzy drink for rotting children's teeth, drove H&W into liquidation as THE General Manager, personally and heroically saved hundreds of lives on late night call outs on the RNLI's lifeboats when as CEO it was not really in his job spec, who is a serial philanderer and betrayer of weemin, and makes spurious claims to be a Christian gentleman on who's behalf God has personally intervened on many occasions, rather than a Charlatan who sees his claims to be devout as a networking opportunity and chance to meet some old slag who might fancy a rub of the relic, and indeed as Comander in Chief of the British Army has watched many men die, with relish - his, not the men's, nor cucumber.

Nobody wants to coach us, barring a wee Welsh gobshite whose role models are Wazza & Howls. Gibbes will coach anywhere but Ulster next season, for having run away with the circus he has not found living with clowns to be much fun. The humiliation of appearing in the Parker Pen is too much to bear, we cannot go on.


Statement ends.
SUPPORT THE TEAM, FU'CK THE REGIME - UNTIL TERRY SHAME SLOGAN IS GASSED

FIRFU - FU'CK YOU ONE AND ALL, CAVING IN TO SPONSORS, SACKING THE INNOCENT FOR A FEW DOLLARS MORE, SHAMEFUL BASTA'RDS. YOU'VE LOST MY SUPPORT & I HOPE MORE ULSTERMEN & WOMEN
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Re: Ulster Rugby announce the death of Rugby in ULster

Postby thecrouch » Thu May 17, 2018 11:59 am

BaggyTrousers wrote:Just days before a humbling defeat to Ospreys to consign them to the Parker Pen, Ulster Rugby took the bizarre decision to issue a press release admitting that rugby as a competitive sport is dead in Northern Ireland.

The statement said:

Look, we are as sad about this as anyone, we hired a top trained killer to work beside our fully qualified solicitor and former rugby legend, in an effort to bring back the glory days of the 1980s, more than that we wanted this sensational duo to "Make Ulster Great Again".

Ulster Rugby are sorry to say that the programme for recovery has failed, Dr Humphries saw the writing on the wall and jumped ship to a similarly underachieving club. Without his rugby nous, we have been between a rock and a place so hard it would make Stevie Ferris blanch.

We are run by a serial liar who on the plus side has won a war for Betty, overseen the rise of Coca Cola as the preeminent fizzy drink for rotting children's teeth, drove H&W into liquidation as THE General Manager, personally and heroically saved hundreds of lives on late night call outs on the RNLI's lifeboats when as CEO it was not really in his job spec, who is a serial philanderer and betrayer of weemin, and makes spurious claims to be a Christian gentleman on who's behalf God has personally intervened on many occasions, rather than a Charlatan who sees his claims to be devout as a networking opportunity and chance to meet some old slag who might fancy a rub of the relic, and indeed as Comander in Chief of the British Army has watched many men die, with relish - his, not the men's, nor cucumber.

Nobody wants to coach us, barring a wee Welsh gobshite whose role models are Wazza & Howls. Gibbes will coach anywhere but Ulster next season, for having run away with the circus he has not found living with clowns to be much fun. The humiliation of appearing in the Parker Pen is too much to bear, we cannot go on.


Statement ends.

That spanish sun is wreaking havoc with your mind baggy.

If you aren't going to SUFTUM what sort of fan are you?
NUCIFORA IS A BELLEND
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Re: Ulster Rugby announce the death of Rugby in ULster

Postby Jetstream » Thu May 17, 2018 12:52 pm

10 year wake.
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Re: Ulster Rugby announce the death of Rugby in ULster

Postby Kofi Annan » Thu May 17, 2018 1:54 pm

PRESS RELEASE
It is with great regret that I tender my magnificent resignation letter and now stand down from Ulster Rugby which I have been supreme commander off for many years.
I fondly recall walking through the gates of the hovel of what was Ravenhill, a former GAA ground and looking at the pigeon lofts that my former (but not so great) CEO had installed, I looked at them and immediately saw a vision, a vision of greatness that only I, and I alone could do to transform the Ground and team to that of a standard unseen in the Northern Hemisphere, we would become a world leader of the game and provide the meek but humble fans a shared space of happiness .

The journey has been rough but has also had some good times, I recall Pastor McConnell preaching at Kingspan one of the best crowds ever and all like minded

On the rugby front we have been above celestial, just things have gone wrong at times and those are the fault of the players who I solely blame .
I have brought the Ladies World Cup to Belfast the second biggest event in the World after the Olympics , so I am happy that I have succeeded and not get the men’s World Cup is irrelevant and the fault of the Irish Government for not listening to me.
So, I leave the place in a better place than when I arrived, a golden Stadium, more supporters and the best KPIs in European Rugby.
I have loved every minute of my fame, the crowds standing up for me and me alone, Ulster I bid you a grand farewell You can all be grateful for my being.

Yours in Rugby
Shame Logan MBE DSO MM VS KBE TCBH
The strength of brand loyalty begins with how your product makes people feel.
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Re: Ulster Rugby announce the death of Rugby in ULster

Postby BR » Thu May 17, 2018 3:16 pm

They're looking for an official 'down the back of the tele' partner.
No more sweet talk from the hypocrites
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Re: Ulster Rugby announce the death of Rugby in ULster

Postby Rooster » Thu May 17, 2018 3:33 pm

BR wrote:They're looking for an official 'down the back of the tele' partner.
Clive has applied
“That made me feel very special and underlined to me that Ulster is more than a team, it is a community and a rugby family"
Rory Best
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Re: Ulster Rugby announce the death of Rugby in ULster

Postby BaggyTrousers » Thu May 17, 2018 4:01 pm

thecrouch wrote:That spanish sun is wreaking havoc with your mind baggy.

If you aren't going to SUFTUM what sort of fan are you?


Never been saner Crouchie, UR heading for the buffers on Sunday, no Rory, no Hendy, no fu'cking chance. Add in no Ross, no Deysel, no Rea and you might just as soon write NO PACK.

Oh, and of course no backline either given Big Stu & NHL are the centre partnership agin, though this time Cave might even make the bench. :roll:

It could get ugly, so what type of fan am I? I'm a realist................... when I can be bothered.
SUPPORT THE TEAM, FU'CK THE REGIME - UNTIL TERRY SHAME SLOGAN IS GASSED

FIRFU - FU'CK YOU ONE AND ALL, CAVING IN TO SPONSORS, SACKING THE INNOCENT FOR A FEW DOLLARS MORE, SHAMEFUL BASTA'RDS. YOU'VE LOST MY SUPPORT & I HOPE MORE ULSTERMEN & WOMEN
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